Our Divine Story
When we look through the lens of our dark emotions, nothing about existence makes sense, and relying on unexamined beliefs further distorts our perception of reality, only perpetuating our state of helplessness. This confusion serves as a catalyst to break through our unexamined conditioning, and ask the big questions, allowing us to piece together our divine story. The behemoth of all those questions is why are we going through all this madness? Were we sent here against our will, and then given free will?
Our sense of justice, and our belief in an All Just God doesn't allow us to accept that we came to this Earthly experience without not only consenting to but actually wanting to. Even the most noble human being would only grant another human what he/she really wants. This understanding empowers us, and gives us ownership. Entertain for a moment the example of a child asking the parents if they can be independent, and go explore the world, and the parent having earnestly desired this for the child all along. This kind of parent would never impose a certain lifestyle on the child, and at the same time they'd assure the child of the love, guidance, and provision the child has access to at all times.
Our Earthly experience of life is the microcosm of the macrocosm. It is replete with examples, and signs that answer all our questions, and guide us to the ever unfolding infinite Truth. They offer evidences that relieve us from seeing God as unfair or unjust. Consequently, it only makes sense that along with God's will, and guidance we have chosen exactly what to experience in this physical 3 dimensional realm.
Understanding this further begs the question: what is the point of this experience? The answer unveils itself within every heart subjectively, but a general hypothesis can be formed by looking at our nature. The human soul loves adventure, exploration, and challenges just so it can reaffirm its capability to be divine, and larger than life. This condition of ours points to an understanding that we as God's lights most likely wanted a challenge where we experience the contrast of who God is, and still find our way back to our true divine essence, and in doing so discover God. For this to happen, we needed to come into a dimension where we experience limitations that prompt us to recall our true state.
Upon arrival we begin forming an identity which allows us to feel separate from everything else. Separation is the contrast to Unity or Oneness that is God. This separate identity is the false sense of I, also famously known as the Ego ( the survival self) that veils us from our real identity, encoded within our being, and thus from infancy we keep seeking love, connection, and provision instead of being it. The feeling of not having these and needing to seek them turns on our survival response. Because our origin is pure love and life, the lack of it in any form understandably makes us confused and makes us fearful of losing it.
Our first experience of this loss is in the womb and as we feel the fear that our mother feels, our survival response turns on and we start taking in all the resources of our mother in order to survive. Next we feel this loss is when we leave our mother's womb and become distanced from her warmth, safety, and provision. This loss makes us cry in order to have our needs met. As we grow more, and our experience and needs broaden, the ways in which we experience the loss of love also broadens, and this gives birth to different emotions. When we want something and its denied to us, we feel sadness or anger. When something that causes physical pain or endangers our life, we feel fear. When we're told we did something bad we feel guilt, and when we're told we are bad, we feel shame.
We have an innate sense of confidence over how every need of ours should be met but ofcourse they don't get met because the ones meeting those needs are functioning from survival, and are in need themselves. Since many of our needs don't get met, and emotions don't get resolved, our survival self kicks into full gear, and uses different ways to secure love, and to help us in a world where we rely on others to help us survive. The survival self uses survival emotions like fear, guilt, shame and anger ( they're all incited by a sense of loss) to get the loving attention of our caretakers, and repetitive reliance on these emotions gives birth to behaviours. We may develop a habit of lying because we fear that being honest will not gain us acceptance, become controlling because we fear our environment will harm us, throw tantrums because we feel unheard, act like a victim because anger is bad but we still need love, or be a constant people pleaser because we learned that we will only get love if we're good.
The survival self also tries to comfort us by repetitively suggesting indulgence in all experiences that feel good, such as bodily pleasures like food and sex, material comforts and possessions, and entertaining activities. If our experience around any of these was not good growing up, the survival self will view them as dangerous, and will prevent us from experiencing joy.
We will also take up conditioning in the form of cultural, social, and religious beliefs in order to secure being part of the herd, and hence 'loved'. These behaviours and beliefs get locked into our consciousness until we fully develop the reasoning center of our brain to be able to shed the light back in, and examine their truth. Since the survival self likes comfort and stability, it will hijack reason and prevent us from looking at our pain or our truth because it knows it can't resolve it. It's not built to resolve it, it's only built to run, fight, or hide. It's built to protect us, and keep us safe. It truly helps us to keep going until we realize that its numbing methods are only adding on to the deeply buried pain that has been longing to burst out of its abyss, and into the safe embrace of love and truth. It helps us until we realize that we don't need protection from what we're seeking; that on the other side of our pain is love, not danger. On the other side of daring to question, is truth and liberation, not rigidity and wrath.
So what makes us realize that we no longer need to let the survival self run the show? It has to be that part of us that doesn't survive, it thrives. It has to be the part that can anesthetize the screaming survival response. The part that is plugged in to an infinite supply of love, the way the lungs are plugged in to the infinite supply of air. Is there such a part? Such a satiated, abundant, overflowing, and ever expanding self? Just like the survival self records the voices of guidance from all around us in our childhood and replays them like a program, there is a single intuitive voice that comes from the silence within us, and whilst we find it soothing, the survival self finds it threatening for our identity ( the identity it built for us in our childhood). This is the point at which our faculty of reason, our intellect helps us hear both sides, and determine our truth. This is when we realize that everything we needed to know about ourselves was always within us. That everything we needed from others was within us all along. Our reason reminds us that in an All Just existence, our desire for invincibility, needlessness, and greatness is the very evidence to our God like nature. When we acknowledge the truth of our infinite potential, we realize that it's all already been given to us. We are swimming in the ocean of abundance. We are the love we seek. We are all that we need.
Photo by Dana Schaferova